Moving is part of military life and even comes with its own term, a permanent change of station (PCS). During a PCS, you are assigned to a new duty station and a new role. For your family, this can mean moving across town or to the other side of the world. Either way, it can come with logistical challenges and hard goodbyes.
Fortunately, there are ways to ease this process for your children. We’ll give you our top six tips and tricks to make the most of this time as a family. With a little planning and open sharing, you can help your children understand what to expect during a PCS move.
Tell Them Early
You may think your children aren’t picking up on a potential PCS, but they can be particularly observant, especially when it applies to their lives. So don’t keep moving plans a secret if you know it is coming. Instead, tell your kids calmly and clearly, including as many details about the move specifics as possible.
Once you know that a PCS is in your family’s future, you may want to consider sharing that potential change with your children right away. Of course, it depends on your kids and how well they adjust to change. Some kids, especially older tweens and teens, can handle the changing plans often accompanying a PCS. If your kids are younger, it might be better to wait until you have definite plans in place, since they need that concrete rather than abstract assurance.
No matter your children’s ages, keep a positive attitude before, during, and after the move. They will look to you for reassurance that even though change is ahead, a new adventure awaits as well.
Be Understanding
While adults and even older teens know where a move fits into the grander scheme of life, younger kids don’t have the same perspective. If they’ve only known your current home, or even if they’ve done a move or two before, strong emotions can come up when it’s time to pack up and say goodbye. Tell your kids these emotions are expected and that you’ll navigate this change together.
Young kids might have trouble understanding what they feel during the move. So their emotions may come out in unexpected ways. Be patient and supportive during the move to give them space to figure out how they feel.
Maintain a Routine
One thing that can help when heavy emotions arise is to maintain as much of a routine as possible. For really young children, a consistent bedtime routine can help them know what to expect at the end of each day, regardless of where they are in the moving process. Older kids may benefit from having consistent family meals with familiar favorite foods. Teens often cope with changes a little bit easier, but even they need some familiarity during the process. Provide a consistent space to stay connected, whether at the family dinner table or in the car on the drive to and from school.
Get Them Involved
You may not have many choices and control over your military move, but try to involve your kids in as many decisions as possible. Even if you don’t get to choose where or when you move, even small things like finding a new playground to visit can help your kids get used to their new home.
If you take advantage of house-hunting by traveling to explore your new home and find housing, bring your kids along to help with the search. They can get an idea of what their new room will be like and start to get excited about the move.
Even young kids can help pack boxes before the move. They may not help pack the fine china (there may also be restrictions with full military moves), but let them go through their things. This helps them feel like they are part of the moving process and can make unpacking easier when you arrive at your new home. If your kids know where things are, they’ll know what they want to unpack first to feel at home.
Let Them Say Their Goodbyes
Goodbyes are some of the hardest parts of military life, but make sure to give enough time and attention to this important milestone in the moving process. Some goodbyes will occur naturally, like saying goodbye to a favorite teacher on the last day of school. Others require special coordination, such as going to a friend’s or neighbor’s house before the big moving day.
Some kids enjoy having a special experience or even a party to say goodbye to the people and places they love. You can take them to a favorite park, a special restaurant, or another fun experience. Make sure to take plenty of pictures so they can look back on these memories in the future. You can even make a memory book for your child and their friends that lets them write messages to commemorate their friendship.
Get Involved in Your New Community
Once you arrive in your new home, take time to get involved in the community. Many military families move during the summer to make the transition easier on the kids’ school schedules, but this can make it challenging to integrate into the new place right away. However, plenty of opportunities to meet new people and try new things still exist. Let your kids’ interests shine, whether on a recreational sports team or in community theater, which is a great way to make friends and feel connected.
You can also look into volunteering to learn more about your new home. Many non-profit and faith-based organizations love to welcome people who want to help. Don’t be afraid to make friends with your neighbors as well, especially if they have kids of a similar age. Chances are, they go to the same school, which can mean a built-in welcoming face on the first day at a new school.
The Bottom Line
Navigating a PCS with kids comes with extra challenges to make things run smoothly, but it’s also a great opportunity to embrace these unique experiences as a family. From telling your kids about an upcoming move to saying heartfelt goodbyes to diving into your new community enthusiastically, you can make every step of this journey easier on your family by keeping a positive attitude. Before you know it, your new house will feel like home.
Want more resources to help with a PCS move? Download AHRN’s free PCS Toolkit, packed with checklists, planning tips, and resources to make your next move smoother for the whole family